What does full throttle trust feel like? How can we get there? When life doesn't give you what you want, what are you going to destroy and uncreate to get there? Are you willing to take a leap of faith and trust in the not yet seen miracles that lie ahead?
These questions have been flooding my midscape and essence lately. This business has challenged me and shaped me in a way I least expected. Most of all, it has shown me there is a light that shines in the darkness. And I am a part of that light. I just have to decide that I am worthy of being seen and being heard.
For years, all I've ever considered is "What is my back up plan?". I feel like it's sort of been my family's motto for how my life is going to look. Every time I muster up the courage to admit, “I’m working to be a full time Actor… I want to go into business for myself and create a world where fear holds no power over the outcome because I am willing to be brave enough and strong enough to go after what I really want.”; my family throws me back a tidal wave of their insecurities and doubts. A tidal wave of new job titles, new companies to investigate, and usually a 360 degree viewpoint change of what my life currently looks like in order to manifest the change they desire in my life. Nothing I’ve chosen has been deemed good enough for them to stop doing this on a regular basis. But this year I am discovering that I don’t want to be full of their fears and their doubts. I want to be me. I was born into this world to do what I know how to do best. And no other soul is going to be able to show that to me. No other soul is going to be able to envision the life I envision. No other being can imagine the miracles I imagine. Only I am capable of manifesting the change I desire.
Not every person is going to understand you, not even the people we love the most. So if you are looking to be understood from any outside source, stop looking. Coming from someone who spent 25 years trying to prove to others that my dreams are worthy, instead of believing in them anyway. Please, head my words. It’s sort of like you’re shooting yourself in the foot, by ignoring and disrespecting your own power. You are limitless. Your life’s vision is worthy of being manifested. Your life’s purpose is meant to be fulfilled. So stop searching for others approval. Begin to listen to yourself in any way available. Practice deeper efforts of radical self love, and understanding that true commitment means all in. True commitment is the key to unlocking who you were meant to be. Diving into fear headfirst, just like ripping the band aid off, breaks the ties that bind. Breaks the patterns of sabotage and unlocks freedom and limitless potential. These past 36 days of adding a practice of meditation in my life have offered me crazy fun routes toward freedom. Freedom of inner thought. Freedom of clarity within my souls voice and inner desires. Freedom from this “back up plan”, from a world and career path I jumped into and blindly served others opinions of what my life needed to look like. It’s set a course that is forcing me to go all in, commit to what I know and believe is possible, despite the odds. Despite others opinions. Despite my doubts and judgments, I am worthy anyway. I am a part of the light. Albert Einstein defines insanity as “ doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” In what way are you getting in the way of your own happiness, because of the fear of the unknown? In what way is how the way you are living your life closer to the definition of insanity than that of freedom and align with the life you are worthy of living? Are you willing to say yes to the fear anyway? Steer yourself with full throttle trust into the life path that is already a part of you, lies within you, has been predetermined by your souls inner wisdom as the true path for you?
Since starting meditation within my 40 day Sadhana, I began to see clarity in my life and my business decisions. I began to trust that the circumstances and life patterns I was running in were actually dragging me down and not lifting me up. I began to notice the traffic signs of my life were basically screaming at me: “These patterns and circles you live in are the definition of insanity. This cycle of fear and anger you fester in means you aren’t truly living!” I responded to my Sadhana’s call to action, to finally practice radical self love under a microscope of overflowing love, by choosing what is best for me. Last week in my yoga practice, my friend teaching class reminded us “prepare for change” as the sequence took a dramatic shift. This small awareness, gave me new perspective and lead me to fresh awakened thought. I know now that this was a sign of unconditional love from the universe. Guiding me back onto the path I fell off of. Guiding me back to what and why my soul is on this specific journey, rerouting me for what I was meant to be doing all along. And showing me that this life is fragile. Rerouting me in moments of heavy sadness, but pushing and nudging me to force myself to heal rather than wallow in self pity. It wasn’t until the next days meditation that I remembered something, it was as if a voice called out to me throughout this last week: When life doesn't give you what you want, what are you going to destroy and uncreate to get back on your path? Are you willing to take a leap of faith and trust in the not yet seen miracles that lie ahead?
Meditation and the art of yoga, has illuminated life’s impermanence and the sweet sweet value of time. It reminds me each day that I am a beginner and right back in the hot seat for creating powerful change in my own life. We are all going to die. We are all going to move on. One day, you won’t wake up and there isn’t anything you can do to push back the clock for when that day truly comes. Even though each day we push this thought aside, yoga reminds us that every moment is worthy of our reflection, of our questions. Every impulse is worthy of curiosity and self discovery. When we make the time to hear what our inner most heart’s desire; we decrease the pain we allow ourselves to endure. We commit to our dreams and affirm their desire and worthiness of representation in our life.
Full throttle trust is terrifying. This weekend I reiterated my desire to leave my current full time job to my significant other. We’ve been together almost five years, and know each other very well. Even though I’ve already mentioned it to him last week. Hearing it today made it real. We both stopped for a moment “This is huge”. He said. The words just lingering in the air with our breath. Then came “Okay”. His tenacity to bring me back, when my job or other life events drag me down is empowering. It’s incredible and overwhelming how much he trusts in my ability to do what I want to do. For a moment I feared he wasn’t ready. But as we made eye contact for the first time since breaking the news in the air, I knew; this was the first day of the rest of our lives.
Being open, and truthful. Connecting to the scary fact that life is impermanent, we both gave into full throttle trust in the Universe. As his fears arose in his face, I reassured him this shift was real, and valid, and worthy. Just as we are each worthy, and our inner truth is valid. When you know something is meant for you, you just know. If you can lean into the uncomfortable reality that life is short, you can begin to step away with clarity and assurance that your path is just. Your path is equally worthy and valid. Your dreams are worthy of becoming a part of your reality. And you deserve them to be. Take the leap, see what’s out there in the world of the unknown. It might be just the exact medicine you are looking for to cleanse and reunite with your soul.
My Call to Action for you this week:
Make more decisions for yourself trusting in your own inner wisdom and intuition. Question more, but question the right emotions and thoughts. Rather than doubt yourself: Love yourself wholly. Move forward fearlessly. Look forward to wonderful new beginnings. Commit to your dreams and the rhythm of ‘out with the old, in with the new’. Practice a new form of yoga ( I highly recommend Kundalini, there’s nothing better than cleansing your Chakras and finding new breath practices) Who do you want to be? What and where are you still holding on? Are you willing to let go, destroy, and uncreate - so that you can manifest into reality your wildest dreams? So be it.
Take the leap!
Your Fearless Leader,
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